Where roads lead
by Alicia08
Summary: Buffy says goodbye to Spike. Pairing: Spuffy


Title: Where roads lead

Author's name: Alicia

Email: Lisabonita@nyc.rr.com

Email 2: Lisabun@hotmail.com

Rating: PG-13, I think

Disclaimer: Lets see. Don't have a penis, never preached feminism, then turn around and diss it, don't have a big head, am not a genius… so um, NOPE. I am not Joss Whedon, hence I own squat. That means, "I own NOTHING" by the way. Please don't sue me. I'm poor as it is.

Pairing: Does it really matter? Oops, silly me, of course it does. It's B/S

Timeline: Takes place sometime after "Chosen" (Buffy season 7 finale), 

Description: Buffy says goodbye to Spike

Authors note: To all Spike and or Spuffy loathers across the globe, I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize. Just remember, I'm one of you, hence no shunning of me shall commence… comprende!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*

The dust had settled, but the air still held the scent of death. Summer was imminent. It's harbinger, spring's ripe scent, filled her senses and was heightened by the ghostly cries for help. Nothing stirred as far as the eye could see. A vast crater was all that was left of the town she had once called home. Standing at the edge, Buffy looked down into nothingness. Darkness, an obscurity to the horror that it beheld, was all that was apparent. She sighed, closed her eyes, letting the onslaught of memories ravage her being.

Memories of him, came flooding back in the darkness, memories she could not hold away even though she tried.

His face was imbedded into her mind. The way he tilted his head slightly and looked at her inquiringly. 

 Blue eyes staring into the depths of hazel green. 

Spike had confessed his love for her as a soulless being. How could he love when he had no soul, was what plagued her mind during the time of their intimacy. In retrospect, looking back now, that knowledge whether skewed or not, is what drew her to him. He had no soul; hence he had no feelings to hurt. His love for her was only misguided obsession, to replace that wacko nut job Drusilla. She was something he found unattainable, and like most males, breathing or not, the unattainable was something to thrive for. 

To pursue. 

It was a challenge that they emerged themselves in and took pleasure out of. It was all about the chase, or so she had thought. 

So she used him to fulfill her own needs. Her need to feel… something. Anything. She had desperately wanted to feel human again, to feel like she was living rather than existing. Xander, Willow, Tara, Anya… they were the cause, the root source, willing catalyst who partook in a ritual which resulted in her being ripped away from the peace and contentment she had yearned for, ever since her mother died. How could they do that to her?

Selfish bastards

Didn't they consider the consequences? Take into consideration how it might affect her. She's the freaking slayer for crying out loud. 

What? 

Did they just assume that she ended up in hell and needed rescuing? But that's in the past. No need to dredge up old feelings now. After all, every thing worked out in the end.

"Buffy"

The slayer was pulled from her reverie, as a hand gently touched her shoulder, her name filling the air seconds later. She turned to face its owner.

"We should um… go. I mean, if you're done that is. I know he meant a lot to you and if you want to take more time… um…"

"Will. It's fine. I'm fine. There's no need to…."

"I know. It's just that I wasn't sure. It's just… well, we never talked about him much, actually, at all, since… you know"

"Yeah… I know"

"And, it's no secret that we… well, Xander mostly, weren't really on friendly terms with him." The redhead averted her eyes, looking downward, desperately wanting not to meet her best friends gaze. But as her next words left her lips, hazel green met dark brown. "After what he did… tried to do, can you really blame any of us? But that's besides the point," Willow quickly continued, as she saw flickers of pain protrude through Buffy's soul. "The point is, that I'm… we are all here for you. If you need to talk about it… him. You can."

Buffy sighed, looking past Willow, at the car parked in the far distance. From where she stood, she could see the outlining of their bodies inside the vehicle. Xander, in the front seat where she left him, with Dawn in the back. The ride here was made in silence, not one person thrilled at her decision to return to Sunnydale. She couldn't really blame them though, especially Xander. This after all was the site of Anya's death. 

He took it exceptionally well, or so that's the impression he expelled. But Buffy knew better. Even Willow could tell, that he was bottling his pain deep down inside. It tore him to pieces trying to feign contentment at his former fiancé's death, but he never once opened up about it and they never once prodded. Lately, that's how it went with all of them. Keeping things from one another. Dealing with pain, anguish, sadness, etc on their own. 

It wasn't so long ago, that the three of them would find comfort in each other. 

Things had change between them so much, that it was impossible to find their way back to a time and place where trust, faith, conviction, sincerity and unconditional love came as second nature.

Buffy refocused her attention on Willow. "Thanks, but I'm fine. Just give me a few minutes. I'm almost done."

Willow glanced at her friend, inquiringly, but when she got no reply, she smiled and headed back towards the car. Her steps were slow and dragging. The sand beneath her feet shaping to the contour of her new payless sandals. She looked forward, and saw Xander exit the car upon her approach. 

"So?" he inquired in anticipation

"She just needs a few more minutes Xander," Willow expressed, a slight annoyance recognizable in her voice. Ever since they got off the plane, rented the car, and started on their drive to the town of hell, Xander seemed to be on the edge even more than usual. At first, Willow thought it might have to do with returning to the place where Anya died, but the edgier he got, the more apparent his focus of anger would become. It had to do with Spike. Specifically, the fact that after everything the blond wanker had done to Buffy, she still held feelings for him. Those feelings, ambiguous as they were, are what angered Xander the most.

Buffy had never opened up about her feelings for Spike to him, but he remembered Dawn telling him once, that Buffy had told her once that she wasn't in love with Spike, but rather, cared about him a lot. That bit of information should of helped ease his anger and annoyance, but it didn't. It just made him angrier and more resentful.

So what if Spikey dearest saved the world. Pfft… so did he. Only difference is, he survived to see another day, yet, all he got for his trouble was one less eye. Spike… he gets Buffy's heart.

"You've got to be kidding me. How long does it take to…"

"Xander… don't. Please, lets not do this ok."

But, I'm just saying, you would think she'd have…"

Willow gave him a look, and his words died out. He leaned against the car, only to have Dawn exit the car and stand beside him.

"Can we go yet? This place gives me the creepy jeepies"

"Buffy just needs a few more minutes Dawnie. Then we can go…ok," the redhead said.

Dawn sighed, crossed her arms around her belly and leaned up against the car. "So, do you think Angel will be happy to see us when we show up on his front steps," she asked with enthusiasm in her tone. "I mean, he might not be that happy to see Buffy after the whole Spike thing. She said he took it well, but with Angel and that whole self-righteous thing he's been sporting since like forever, he's probably just bottling all that anger inside. I'm thinking he's pissed off majorly."

"Wait… wait. Are you telling me, that Dead Boy knew about Spike and Buffy and didn't tear Spike to pieces himself?" Xander looked at Dawn for a reply.

The young girl shrugged. "Well, we were kinda going through an end of the world type thing, so maybe afterwards, once yet another apocalypse was averted, and if Spike hadn't gone and did the whole sacrificial thing… I'm sure Angel would've gotten around to the tearing and shredding eventually." 

"Too bad. That's something I would've stood in line to see".

"Xander!!!"

"What?… She's didn't hear me, unless she has super hearing powers that I'm not aware of." Xander looked at Willow, then to Buffy in the far distance, then back to Willow. "She doesn't… does she?" His question garnered a roll of the eye from both females in his immediate presence. "I promised to hold my tongue about Spike when she's in listening distance, you never said anything about never talking bad about the poofwad at all. Talking smack about Spike gives me a happy…ok. Can I at least have that one pleasure?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy stood still, a tear flowing over eyelashes, seeping through until a drop splattered to her cheek, rolling creepily until they hit the sizzling sand. She stood looking down into the crater, visions of her last moments with Spike filling her head. He truly loved her, and she cursed herself at this very moment, that she hadn't really realized that until then. 

"_I can feel it Buffy"_

_"What?"_

_"My soul. It's really there. Kind of stings… Go on then"_

_"No no. You've done enough. You could still…"_

_"NO… you've beat them back. It's for me to do the clean up"_

Faith called her name. So much happened then. Everything was falling apart. The ceiling, the rocks of the cave were tumbling down. If she didn't get out of there soon with Spike, they would both be buried alive.

  
"_SPIKE!"_

"_I mean it. I gotta do this_" 

His hands went out, as if to make her keep her distance, and at that moment, everything went quiet. All the chaos around them disappeared into the depths of oblivion. Spike was her focus and nothing else. She looked at him, his demeanor determined to do the right thing. Sacrifice his life for the greater good. 

To save the world and it's occupancies.

And then she reached up to take his hand into her own. A force beyond her comprehension, pulled at her and she flowed with it. Upon touch, flesh to flesh, flames sprouted enveloping their intertwined hands. Physics should tell her that screaming in agony was an appropriate next step, but she felt no pain. 

Every fiber in her body tingled at what was taking place. She gasped, and something filled her. Knowledge, feelings, emotions so strong and overpowering that her knees wiggled slightly. 

She could see into his soul. Feel his pain, joy, strength and goodness.

Spike loved her. Desperately and all consuming-ly loved her. Everything he had done before earning his soul was done to prove himself to her, despite his nature. Right now… this sacrifice. He was willing to die, to prove himself to her once again. The one major difference though, was now… he understood and took comfort in the fact that he wanted to do this. Before, his good deeds were done grudgingly, with expectance of a reward in the end. He had come a long way from William the bloody.

They met each other's gaze and held it, each seeing a part of the other that they never was privy to delve into before. No blanket of ambiguity, that ravaged their relationship like it did the past two years. His soul… her soul, was an open canvas for each to see.

Buffy sighed, emerging from her reverie, the tears yet to dry up. "I' love you," she whispered into the vast emptiness, as she turned and started her walk towards her friends in the distance. She smiled, knowing that wherever Spike was… he was at peace.

THE END!!


End file.
